The green eyed monster has attacked each and every one of us one way or the other, at some point in our lives. Some people feel jealous of their partners, others feel jealous of the success of their colleagues and some feel bitter about their friends achieving their goals. Jealousy can be a very consuming emotion and can affect human relationships to a great degree. In this article we will look into ways to get rid of jealousy once and for all.
1. Define your feelings
Sometimes it is hard for us to admit that we are envious. It is important however to acknowledge the feeling, in order to learn how to deal with it. Lets use an example to illustrate what this means. If your colleague gets the position that you wanted, you feel a great variety of things. You might feel angry because your boss does not value your work as much as his. You might feel disappointed, because you think you didn’t try hard enough for this promotion. If the colleague is a friend of yours, you might also feel happy for them. But on top of all that, you also feel jealous, no matter how hard you try to hide it. You would like to be the one who got that position and you are envious of the person who got it. Once you admit it, you can take steps to get rid of this nasty feeling.
2. Use jealousy to learn about yourself
Jealousy can be a great guide. As strange as it sounds, if you observe yourself carefully, you will realize that there is a pattern in the appearances of the green eyed monster. It shows up when a girl talks to your boyfriend. Or it shows up when you hear that someone makes more money than you. Or it shows up when a friend reaches her weight goal, while you are still chasing yours. Basically, jealousy shows her ugly face whenever someone has something that you haven’t got, but need. Or think that you need. By observing yourself, you can mentally note -or even better, right down- the factors that trigger your jealousy episodes. You will soon know what is missing from your life. Use simple, clear words, like “money”, “love”, “success”.
3. Make a distinction between the “needs” and the “wants”
As you read through the list of words that trigger jealousy episodes, you should be able to define what you really need in your life and what you want, but could do without. It is important to take this step, because then you can prioritize your goals. Each time you achieve what you need, you will realize that you won’t feel jealous of people who have that need also covered any more. But as you might be missing many things in your life right now, dealing with the needs first, will help you gain more confidence to go after the “wants” in the long run.
4. Be patient
Most things that are worth it in life require some hard work, a proper timing and time investment. So don’t get disappointed if you don’t achieve your goals immediately. It is easy to give up and just keep being jealous of others, but with a bit more hard work, you can get what you want and liberate your self from envy. We will use one more example to make this a bit more clear. If you are jealous because your boyfriend gets a lot of attention from other girls, you need to examine if it is because you don’t feel good about yourself or because you do not trust him. In both cases, you need to do some hard work, to improve your relationship. But if you put the effort to reinforce your self esteem or have a thorough talk with your partner, you will end up with a much stronger relationship and feel comfortable every time other women are around. Isn’t this peace of mind worth the effort?
5. Realize that you are normal
Surely, you should try and achieve your goals, instead of feeling bitter about other people’s success and happiness. But there are some times when jealousy will hit you, no matter how much meditation you do. It is normal to envy the Hawaii villa of a super star or the huge fortune of a 14-year old pop star. After all, we are only human.