Last week Joanne Smith of the Dailymail wrote this article titled The utter humiliation of being fatter than your husband… especially when he used to be the tubby one, the long rambling title pretty much sums up what this was essentially about and it really got us thinking about the double standards that surround women and men who being pressured to lose weight. Now normally, I wouldn’t put down a woman’s expression of her feminist feelings or a candid conversation about emotions that plague all of us. Me, I am personally jealous of anyone manages to lose weight, not just my husband but literally anybody who can achieve health and wellness while I remain stuck in my own bad habits. Joanne’s article, which she was completely entitled to write, makes some rather bold statements about how woman feel about their husbands that I do not necessarily agree with.
For example this quote “for the first time in our seven-year marriage, I am fatter than my husband – something no woman wants to be.”
Back before I was married, when I was single and dating this was something I did consider. In fact for a large portion of my unmarried life I only accepted dates with men who where “heavier” than me, older than me, and in many ways masked being seen with them would certainly mask my own insecurities. I called this “dating below myself” and as vain as it may sound, for me it was a method of self-esteem maintenance. However, the man that I eventually married, and would declare as my soul mate weighs precisely as much as I do on a fat-day…so roughly 170lbs or so. In fact when we met I considered breaking up with him because he wasn’t fat enough for me, in other words when I was with him I really was aware of my own weight.
Where my heart broke for Joan was in this statement “almost overnight Adam has become a magnet for predatory women while I remain convinced he cannot possibly fancy me now I weigh more than him.”
This is another thing that I used to be able to relate too, but now I’ve learnt one secret about men that has let me find inner peace. Believe it or not your husband is just as insecure as you are. The reason he would work so hard to change his physique isn’t to impress other women but to impress you. Men also have an innate desire for their spouse to find them attractive; they just go about expressing in a more discrete fashion. Men, are more forgiving to their wives who have children and take care of everyone else. There is a certain inferiority that comes along with not doing these things, men who for example gain sympathy-weight in a pregnancy feel this same jealousy when the baby is 18 months old and the wife has bounced back and he is still carrying those extra pounds. Men, forgive their wives for not looking their best but they are actually incredibly hard on themselves as they get older and they no longer look like they once did.
I am not saying that women don’t suffer through this as well, in fact you can’t deny that we do because we talk about it all the time. When was the last time your husband cried about his jeans not fitting or walked into a room questioning, “does this color make butt look big?” I really believe that females get so caught up in our own search for self-acceptance we forget about the journey that our spouse is on also. Making your husband feel loved and attractive is just as important as him making you feel that way. If he has achieved something that you admire, you should go to him for motivation and support not let it become a reflection of how you view yourself. His achievements should allow to be celebrated even if they seem to have some sort of negative impact on you. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for women to start supporting these triumphs rather than taking them as personal commentary against themselves, in fact not doing so will have more detriment to your marriage than your husbands newly found hot bod I guarantee this.