As a former sex-ed tutor, I would get my kids to lose their discomfort with the topic by playing a little game. After dividing up the class into two groups, I challenged them to come up with as many slang terms the breast and the penis. Wow! Did they ever come up with some doozies! Then, we got down to the business of learning about puberty.

When the kids shared their slang terms, the “breasties” always prevailed. Once someone throughout the word, melons, the rest of the group would start flinging synonyms – most relating to fruit.

There is a little bit of irony to this game. I was teaching the class about puberty, but I looked like a little kid, myself. My chest does not look like a pair of melons, but a pair of raisins. My co-writers do not have the same problem that I have, because they have boobs. They sometimes complain about the problems that come with boobs, but since I don’t have any, I cannot relate.

Ok…I’m exaggerating now. I do have enough to partially fill an A-cup. So, maybe their plums instead of raisins – or maybe just prunes. I tried to be sexy for Halloween, but the A-cup wasn’t getting the look, so I stuffed socks in my bra. I actually tried a double-bra trick (wearing two push-up bras provides double the push-up) and it actually created cleavage between by boobs.

When I was a kid, my sister and I would play with the biggest bras in the department stores by putting them on our heads. So, my tiny tits could be karma for making fun of the melon bras as a child. I hope not, but who really knows.

I do have a bunch of friends who are blessed in the boob department. They tell me how fortunate I am because I can wear any type of top without trying to keep them boobs from showing too much. Sadly, I just don’t have anything to show – so wearing fun tops isn’t that big of a deal. My boobs not only bore me, but the men who have had to fortune (or misfortune) of seeing them in real life. I do understand how nice it is to be able to wear a shirt without a bra, but since putting on a bra is not very time consuming, it doesn’t take much to feel a little more like an adult woman.

Even though I complain about my bitty titties, I still love them. They’re pretty and perky. I do realize that the women with big ones are blessed, but so am I – I needed to learn to appreciate what I have. If we just accept that boobs can be like fruit, we don’t need to worry about what size of fruit, but just WHAT fruit they resemble.

Common Complaint about Small Boobs

1. Never being able to completely fill any bra.
2. No. Cleavage. Ever.
3. Having your laundry sorted and you little bra goes to your little sister’s stack, because it looks like a child’s bra.
4. Being able to actually wear a tween’s bra.
5. Becoming flatter when you lay down.
6. Looking like you only have pecs when you wear a sports bra.
7. Even though your boyfriend says he loves you (small boobs and all), you know he wishes you would show up one day with boobs like Kate Upton’s.
8. Some sexy moves cannot be performed.
9. Strapless tops are out, because nothing keeps them up.
10. Your body will get bigger, but the boobs stay the same.